Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Adaptation

Once upon a time a young lad and his wife were just about to have their first born child. Times were hard and so the lad had to have a couple jobs, just to get by. The wife was due at any time now, but so was the house payment. The man had to take up work on the Edmunsd Fitzgerald for this trip, as bad as he didn't want to, and as bad as his wife didn't want to, he had to. It was getting late in the year and these trips were very dangerous at times. The wife had a terrible feeling, but they had to make rent to make sure they had this house when the baby was born.


So the man took this job and hopped on the Edmunsd Fitzgerald, for one last delivery, in late November. There was a weird feeling on the boat; everyone was pretty scared, because they knew how rough the gales could be, especially in November. The captain was experienced though, and explained to the crew that they would be okay, if everyone just did their job and they tried to get there as soon as possible. The young lad’s job was down in the engine room, he was in charge of repairing it and doing the necessary maintenance. This man was not on the deck to see how rough the sea was getting and how the storm was getting worse and worse. The boat started to rock back and forth. Everyone knew what was happening. There was a sense of panic on board, but the experienced captain told everyone to calm down and do their job, and they’d all be fine. The problem was everything just kept getting worse. The wind blew harder, and the boat rocked faster. The Fitzgerald was supposedly impossible to sink, but as the storm grew, people started to doubt that, and grew worried for their lives. The lad was particularly worried, he had to get back to his wife, he was just about to have a kid. He knew he shouldn’t of left her so close to when the baby was supposed to be born. He started to imagine his kid’s life without him there, but then realized he had to try to get back to them, he wasn’t going down without a fight. Everyone on board was working their hardest to get all the water off the boat that had come on, but the waves kept getting bigger and more water kept getting on. Soon the boat couldn’t take it anymore. Crew members started falling overboard and the boat slowly started to sink. Everyone knew this was it. They all realized they would never see their family’s again. It was a terrible feeling. The young lad fell over board. He struggled for life but couldn’t make it. His first born baby boy was born two days later.

2 comments:

  1. I do like this adaption, however I think it "tells" too much and "shows" too little. It would be more effective if you used more description. You also have some spelling errors; they don't necessarily distract from your story, but fixing them would improve your story. I don't know which song you used, but I do like this.

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  2. I love how you started your adaptation 'once upon a time' It was like a fairytale beginning then reality some how crept in. But I do agree with Emma, I wish it was more of describing someone or some event rather than just telling me. And because I didn't know which song you had used, I was a little lost. But I did enjoy reading it.

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